Do you feel like me when I say from a young age….. “strap up your boots girl, get up and go.”? For almost every scenario in my life, I have felt “empowered” to take charge of almost every situation. Often, it’s brought upon myself. (I would be safe to say, almost every time.) It caused a lot of resentment towards others, created a small situation to become a mountain that I had to climb, and drained every part of me.
Womanhood. Empowering. Beautiful.
Scratching my head.
I don’t feel empowered. I feel stinking drained. DRAINED. And who/what do I have to blame? I would have spewed out a list on you. A long list. (Anyone else feeling me?) I recall getting so much “praise” for being a strong-willed, independent girl-woman. Never once did that remark ruffle my feathers. I had so much pride, in fact that I didn’t appear weak, I valued all of those remarks. What also came with independence? (in MY case)
Rejection of discipline.
Here comes the punch…. (that I needed) Pastor John has refered to it as “The Jesus Slap”
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” Proverbs 9:10
Early in my walk, I had a really hard time digesting words like submission, (I am not even talking about submission in marriage) repentance, forgiveness, and authority. I guess any “good Samaritan” can get those concepts. If you have good morals, sure, assumed. As my walk is growing by the grace of Jesus AND the community He has chosen to place me in I have gained maturity and wisdom in all of the “issue matters” I initially had to start with. I haven’t “gotten it” completely. But I am gaining more and more understanding of what Solomon penned in Proverbs.
Fear. Not run and hide fear. But I think of how my husband loves my children well. And in his discipline (sure they may try to hide) but they come to him, eventually ready to receive what he has to say. It’s motivated by love. My concept of God (my Father) HAS TO be corrected (culturally) and familiarized by reading His attributes BOTH in the OLD and NEW Testaments.
Shattering the image of “independence” and replacing it with “dependant upon grace” has shifted my mindset of how to have relationships with others. Creates humility to know when I am wrong. (and even if I don’t think I am wrong) He hasn’t asked me to “change” my personality but because He is such a good Teacher/Father/Friend, He has taken who I am, and is making me more like Him. (Thank the Lord for that!)
My old thoughts constantly wage war against what I now know to be true and I catch myself “strapping on my boots” and taking on the task of…..everything.
Praise Him for His mercies everyday. Until I seek Him face to face.
“Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. The Lord’s loving-kindness indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul. “Therefore I have hope in Him” Lamentations 3:19-24
*I chose a picture of Milly because I am praying over her as she is MUCH LIKE ME!* HA!