If you know me personally, you know that I am in a season of transition. I have been for years. I often forget that. We sold our home April of 2017. We have been living in temporary housing since then. Nothing about this season is glamours. Nothing about this season is comfortable. And nothing about this season is about me.
I’m asked the daunting question daily;
“So when are YOU moving?”
If you asked me this question in this season, don’t fret. I know its purely out of concern for me and my children to be reunited with our husband/dad. It’s a beautiful concern that definitely reminds me I am not on a stranded island- alone. However, from the beginning of this season (somewhere in 2014-15) I prayed that I would trust and give God the glory. So am I walking in trust? Am I giving Him the glory He deserves?
I want to highlight some areas that I’ve learned in this season.
1.) I cannot partially surrender. Does that even exist?
2.) I am not designed to do anything alone beyond bathroom walls.
3.) I cannot serve both man and the Father.
4.) I can seek to walk hand and hand with the One who carries me BUT DOING IT IN PERFECTION leaves me abandoning The Hand holding me.
I am not sure if the last one made sense to you. It does to me. And without many words (lets be honest-if you see tons of words on a screen, are you often tempted to scroll or skim?)
I WANT TO DO “ALL THE THINGS” I am called and asked to do. That doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to me. It makes me feel accomplished, strong, and committed. Those aren’t so terrible, right?
Accomplishment has been my god. Commitment has been my god. My own strength has been my god. Leaving me to do “all the things” on my own.
EVERY. TIME. That combo (I’ll call it the treacherous trifecta) leaves me anxious and weary. Quick tempered and drained.
AND I LAID IT DOWN. (I don’t recall a specific moment. I do have many moments of repenting. And then repenting some more) And I asked to be reminded of why we are doing what we are doing. I didn’t get a response regarding what we are doing. I got a picture of hands. Stinking hands.
Then, it hit me. Just grab His hand. He will continue to lead me step by step. In His time. Not to miss all of the opportunities in the waiting. He provides them daily. Moment by moment.
So, I still can’t answer the question. My response will still be the big eyes, shoulder shrug.
But my heart is rejoicing that He is using this season to refine me. To tune my heart. To identify what needs pruned (John 15) and to strengthen my foundation.
Don’t miss what He is doing while you’re gazing further ahead.
Emmanuel. With us. Not ahead of us.
I will worship here.
“From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I”